Zoomdoggle: More fun than work!

It’s time again for Drew’s Truth or Dare. You remember Drew, he’s the one with a very sordid past and very little shame. Got a question or dare? Send ‘em to us at truthordare@zoomdoggle.com and make him, er, doggle for your delight. Take it away Drew…

TRUTH: Ever heard of this thing called the Fleshlight? I’m thinking of ordering it, but at nearly $90 any info you could provide before I push “buy” would be greatly appreciated.
—notgonnatellya@heprobblydidntwantustoshare.com

Ah, where to begin. Word around the Navy docks is that it’s a must-have item for any enlisted man looking to partying solo style. As I’d already flogged the dolphin every way imaginable, and, as hanging out dock-side asking about masturbation isn’t getting me any closer to actual women, I decided to more in for a closer look.
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Almost forgot, time for the conclusion of Drew’s last Truth or Dare. You remember Drew, he’s the one with a very sordid past and very little shame. Got a question or dare? Send ‘em to us at truthordare@zoomdoggle.com and make him doggle for your delight. In the meantime, here’s the conclusion to his first ever dare, the swing club. Take it away Drew…

Let’s see, where were we? Oh, right, Trini — my on-again, off-again, of many year’s back, who’d agreed to go with me to the swing club so I could fulfill my first dare — and I had just decided to take off… with another couple, Nicole and Dave.
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It’s Wednesday, the day Zoom lets you play Truth or Dare with Drew. Think of him as your very own lab monkey. One with a very sordid past and very little shame. Got a question or dare? Send ‘em to us at truthordare@zoomdoggle.com and make him doggle for your delight…

TRUTH: Go to a swingers club and swing like a tard at the playground! —Wally@weprobablyshouldntposthisemail.com

Sorry I wasn’t around last week. As you’ll soon see, things got kind of strange after my first dare. I’m getting ahead of myself though. My adventure began with a stop by the Zooomdoggle office, where they informed me that I would be going to New York’s premier swing club Le Trapeze. Together we looked at the site, and together we realized I would need a date as the rules require you both enter and leave as a couple. I had a couple girls in mind.

Trini is gorgeous, with dreadlocks, brown eyes, and a fantastic body. We had seen each other off and on for about a year, but it had been a while. I couldn’t exactly recall how it had ended, or why, and I wasn’t sure she’d be down. Still, of all of my prospects, I figured if she agreed to it, she’d probably be the best candidate. After all, because we have a history, it’s possible she wouldn’t just come along for ride… she’d get in on the action.

I gave her a ring, and it turns out she was completely into it (I knew there was a reason I’d liked her). “You sure?” I said. “What if some random dude wants to bone you?”

She thought about it for a moment. “No, I couldn’t do that.”

“A random girl?”

“I could do that.”

“What if people want to watch us go at it?” I asked nervously. Did I mention it had been a while?

“Is there alcohol involved?” she asked.

I’d clearly chosen the right girl.

“Alright, well what if a girl wants you?” Trini said, turning the tables on me.

“Only if you’d join.” I responded, trying to earn some points.

“And a dude?” she asked. Maybe we had ended on a bad note. I tried to recall the events leading up to our split, when she broke the silence. “I’m only kidding.”

****

I picked her up and Trini and I headed to the club. What type of sexual madness awaited us? We had browsed the club’s web site earlier, and here is what we knew about the joint:
1) Tonight was a masquerade party and masks would be provided if needed. (Sweet)
2) Sexy lingerie is always encouraged. (Sweeter)
3) No alcohol is served. The club is BYOB. Chasers and mixers are provided. (Fair enough).

We paid the cover charge, got a locker pass, and picked our plastic masquerade party masks.

“Please wear the masks at all times, and enjoy,” the doorman said with a smile. We snapped our masks on, gave each other a good-luck nod and walked into the club, ready for naked pandemonium. Only there was no pandemonium, and definitely no naked. A cloud of machine-made fog reflected disco lights.

It was hard to see even three feet in front of us. I literally walked smack into a guy wearing a pirate shirt and flowing cape. A gold mask covered his face and his resemblance to Destro from G.I. Joe was uncanny.

A worker, Destro directed us to the locker room. The fog was thin back near the locker room, but apparently so was the service. The locker room attendant was AWOL.

Trini went to the bathroom while I waited for the attendant. Next to me stood a 50-something with a gray ponytail and motorcycle sweatshirt that read “Born to Ride.” A double entendre, maybe?

“Tonight’s terrible, huh?” he said to me. Not having any clue what he was talking about, but not wanting to dismiss the opportunity to speak with a real-life swinger, I kept the conversation alive.

“Totally.”

He started shaking his head and stroking his goatee. I took this as my cue to shake my own head. “Yea, they were late opening the doors, and there was a line,” he said. “Pissing me off.” The head-shaking continued, and after a few seconds he formed a fist and lightly hit the door frame with it. I tried to comfort him. He was seriously stressed. Just then the attendant came.

“Finally!” Ponytail guy said.

Two keen observations about Ponytail guy:
1) Obvious regular of Le Trapeze, and 2) Impatient and wants to hump as soon as he can.

I waited for Trini and we opened our locker and stashed our stuff.

“So do we get naked now?” I asked.
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It’s Wednesday, the day Zoom lets you play Truth or Dare with Drew. Think of him as your very own lab monkey. One with a very sordid past and very little shame. Got a question or dare? Send ‘em to us at truthordare@zoomdoggle.com and make him doggle for your delight…

TRUTH: Go to a swingers club and swing like a tard at the playground! —sentinbyrandom@whoreallycaresitsonlyweekthree.com

Sound the alarm. Phone the authorities. Send out the hounds. This is the Internet equivalent of an Amber Alert. Our sex writer is AWOL, dead, or worse.

These are the facts as we know them:

Monday of last week; though our Zoomdoggle email was as yet inactive, one clever reader figured out the office address and dropped us a line. She had a dare for Drew. She’d always wondered what exactly goes on at Le Trapeze, and thought Drew would be the perfect surrogate to go in her place and report back on his findings.

By Tuesday we’d found their web site. Sure we were impressed to hear that the club had been in operation for over 20 years, and intrigued by the site’s claim of Shakespearean pub-styling. But what interested us most was that it was a swing club! Yeah, an honest to goodness swap-spot for couples looking to turn twos into threes, fours, mores, and other twos than the twos they came with. Still though, we weren’t sure this was a mission worthy of our very best man.

By Wednesday, after reading their rules — including that you MUST enter, and leave as a couple, and that going upstairs, to where the action happens, requires stripping down as a duo — there was no turning back. Like it or not, Drew would have to find a date. A date that might be willing to date other’s dates. It was decided that Drew and his mystery woman would be playing with others that coming weekend.

Incredibly, our guy had no problem finding a lady up for the task. Her only requirement? As the club is BYOB, Zoomdoggle would have to pay for a bottle. Sold!

Friday morning: Drew confesses that although he’s nervous, his sidekick is actually someone he’s had his eye on for some time. Could this be his way in?

Friday afternoon: He has but one last concern. Who would pay the couple’s $120 entry fee. This was quick becoming an expensive experiment, but one Zoomdoggle & Co was eager to see through. We coughed up the dough.

Drew shuffled out of the office with an envelope full of cash and a twinkle in his eye. At last, he prophesized, his dry spell would come to an end… albeit with other couples raining on his parade.

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It’s Wednesday, the day Zoom lets you play Truth or Dare with Drew. Think of him as your very own lab monkey. One with a very sordid past and very little shame. Got a question or dare? Send ‘em in and make him doggle for your delight…

TRUTH: Is Adult Friend Finder for real? I’ve never searched it out but it keeps showing up on my screen. The girls seem too good looking; I’m pretty sure it’s spam. —sentinbyrandom@whoreallycaresitsonlyweektwo.com

The Interweb is packed to the gills with spam and scam web sites offering easy money and bigger Johnsons, only one site though claims to have ladies looking for big easy Johnsons: Adult Friend Finder. But is it for real? As it’s been a few months since my girlfriend and I decided to call it quits, I decided there was only one way to solve this mystery.

DOGGLERS NOTE: There is actually another way to get to the bottom of this mystery as the site’s Palo Alto address and phone number are listed, but where is the fun in that? Plus, he kinda missed the boat the last time.

That said, on a recent rainy afternoon while searching for something, er, worth doing inside, I too came across the familiar Adult Friend Finder banner ad. “Meet willing singles in your area now! For free!”
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