Zoomdoggle: More fun than work!

Found this down the street from the office on the way into work today and it gave us an idea…

We’ll be back tomorrow.

That’s right, the whole country. Really, think about it. With everyone talking about Fox picking up Hole in the Wall (the Japanese Tetris show), we felt it was important to point out that that’s not the only innovation they’ve brought us.

Have a look all the great things they’re doing with string:

Their advances in athletics:

And then of course there’s this little gem. Is it a game show? A talk show? A prank show? It doesn’t matter. It’s HARD GAY. In this episode, he does his best to bring business to an ailing ramen noodle house:

That’s it for now. Big changes are on the way though (did someone say multiple posts per day). See you next week.

It’s Thursday again, the most important day of the week. Why? Cause Thursday is when you tell us what YOU think would be fun and, if it sounds like a good time, we do our best to make it happen…with you in the driver’s seat.

Adam simply said he’d like to do anything that would “get him out of his shell some.” Not knowing exactly how big his shell is, we tried to reach as far out of the box as possible. Thankfully, the Coney Island Circus Sideshow School offered their support as well.

With teachers Adam Rinn and Donny Vomit at the helm, Adam prepared for his doggle. And, without further ado, these are his recollections from his side-splitting, shell-shattering, death-defying… er, sorry about that… take it away Adam:

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It’s Wednesday, the day Zoom lets you play Truth or Dare with Drew. Think of him as your very own lab monkey. One with a very sordid past and very little shame. Got a question or dare? Send ‘em to us at truthordare@zoomdoggle.com and make him doggle for your delight…

TRUTH: Go to a swingers club and swing like a tard at the playground! —sentinbyrandom@whoreallycaresitsonlyweekthree.com

Sound the alarm. Phone the authorities. Send out the hounds. This is the Internet equivalent of an Amber Alert. Our sex writer is AWOL, dead, or worse.

These are the facts as we know them:

Monday of last week; though our Zoomdoggle email was as yet inactive, one clever reader figured out the office address and dropped us a line. She had a dare for Drew. She’d always wondered what exactly goes on at Le Trapeze, and thought Drew would be the perfect surrogate to go in her place and report back on his findings.

By Tuesday we’d found their web site. Sure we were impressed to hear that the club had been in operation for over 20 years, and intrigued by the site’s claim of Shakespearean pub-styling. But what interested us most was that it was a swing club! Yeah, an honest to goodness swap-spot for couples looking to turn twos into threes, fours, mores, and other twos than the twos they came with. Still though, we weren’t sure this was a mission worthy of our very best man.

By Wednesday, after reading their rules — including that you MUST enter, and leave as a couple, and that going upstairs, to where the action happens, requires stripping down as a duo — there was no turning back. Like it or not, Drew would have to find a date. A date that might be willing to date other’s dates. It was decided that Drew and his mystery woman would be playing with others that coming weekend.

Incredibly, our guy had no problem finding a lady up for the task. Her only requirement? As the club is BYOB, Zoomdoggle would have to pay for a bottle. Sold!

Friday morning: Drew confesses that although he’s nervous, his sidekick is actually someone he’s had his eye on for some time. Could this be his way in?

Friday afternoon: He has but one last concern. Who would pay the couple’s $120 entry fee. This was quick becoming an expensive experiment, but one Zoomdoggle & Co was eager to see through. We coughed up the dough.

Drew shuffled out of the office with an envelope full of cash and a twinkle in his eye. At last, he prophesized, his dry spell would come to an end… albeit with other couples raining on his parade.

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As some of you may recall, the Zoom crew (then, just a party of one) took a trip to Las Vegas some time back. The goal was to look like we (and again, we’re using the royal “we” now) had a lot of money and really live it up Big Willie-style.

Unfortunately, all the dough had gone into getting to Vegas in the first place. And as those who know me will attest, I’ never been all that lucky at the tables.

It was time to make some luck of my own. Manufacture it, if you will. And I do.

You know those cardboard checks they give you when you hit a slot machine jackpot? Sure you do, they hang ‘em by the door of most not-so-high-rent casino’s to attract suckers. Well maybe I’m a sucker. Or maybe not.

Regardless, the plan was simple:
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If you’re anything like us, a significant portion of your day is spent staring off into the endless tubes that are the Internet. Perhaps you start with Page Six, Facebook, or Gawker, sooner or later though, all roads leads to craigslist. And while the pervy probably peruse the casual encounter boards, the Zoom crew likes our net with just a hint more romance: missed connections.

Have you ever met eyes with a stranger, and shared a smile or kind word, only to find that your special someone has slipped out of sight before you could exchange contact details? That’s what missed connections is all about. It’s about second chances. It’s about reconnecting. It’s about love.

The problem is how can you tell if someone else has felt a connection you might have missed? Sure, you could simply log on and scan the titles to see if any ring a bell, but even then you’d have to be looking within just a few hours of your admirer’s post to ever find it. What’s more, even if you click on “You got my heart RUNNING” and you recall seeing a girl with medium brown hair while you ran, how can you be sure you’re the “good looking guy in running shorts” that first prompted her post?

The solution is simple: Do something to make yourself stand out in a crowd. Something unique enough that you could actually just plug it into craigslist’s search bar to scour the whole site in seconds for unknown admirers.

Luckily, we’ve got a Wookie suit.

And our heart in the right place.

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We might actually have to bump this guy straight from Honorary Doggler, past Doggle Master, all the way to Top Doggler. Why is that you ask? Watch the video and if your jaw isn’t on your sneakers by the time it ends, watch it again… with your eyes open.

(It takes a minute or two to get going, but it’s well worth the wait.)

Keep in mind, that’s just a wall, and paint, in Buenos Aires.

As if we weren’t tired enough from another busy week here at Zoom — and prepping for next, good thing’s are happening — imagining the months of work that Mr. Blu must’ve put into that, has us tuckered. See you Monday.

It’s Wednesday, the day Zoom lets you play Truth or Dare with Drew. Think of him as your very own lab monkey. One with a very sordid past and very little shame. Got a question or dare? Send ‘em in and make him doggle for your delight…

TRUTH: Is Adult Friend Finder for real? I’ve never searched it out but it keeps showing up on my screen. The girls seem too good looking; I’m pretty sure it’s spam. —sentinbyrandom@whoreallycaresitsonlyweektwo.com

The Interweb is packed to the gills with spam and scam web sites offering easy money and bigger Johnsons, only one site though claims to have ladies looking for big easy Johnsons: Adult Friend Finder. But is it for real? As it’s been a few months since my girlfriend and I decided to call it quits, I decided there was only one way to solve this mystery.

DOGGLERS NOTE: There is actually another way to get to the bottom of this mystery as the site’s Palo Alto address and phone number are listed, but where is the fun in that? Plus, he kinda missed the boat the last time.

That said, on a recent rainy afternoon while searching for something, er, worth doing inside, I too came across the familiar Adult Friend Finder banner ad. “Meet willing singles in your area now! For free!”
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Hollywood, Tinsel Town, La La Land, so many people come out here with head-shots in their hand and stars in their eyes… and so many wind up working the window at the take-out of broken dreams. Surely they don’t have the skills Zoom does. How hard can it be to make it in this place? With that in mind that we hand out travel mission 2: Twenty-four hours to go from nobody to somebody in the city of angels. Doggle’m Don.

11AM
You heard it, my mission was simple. But while I did a little soft-shoe in high school, I’m not nearly as acquainted with fame as one might think. Per my limited knowledge of the subject, my first step was a quick perusal of “Industry” periodicals to get a grasp of the insiders approach.

This face has star potential, but to get it out there I would have to meet the public head on. I decided to go big — Grauman’s Chinese Theater big, Hollywood “walk of fame” big — to see if I could spread the legend of Don, along with my autograph, per my subliminal suggestions.

12:30PM
I started simple…

…and made some celebrity friends (celebs like us travel in packs you know)…

…still, no one wanted my sig.

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What do you get when you cross a Nerf bow, a faux-feather n’ loin-cloth, and Daniella, the most “down for anything” doggler we’ve come across yet? A solution to that pesky cowboy problem. Or so we’d hoped…

The day began like most, with commuters up with the sun, coffee being brewed with at the local coffee spot, and this guy, harassing tourists in Times Square as always.

Look at that smug mug. Someone’s got to take this tool down.

Luckily, we’ve got some tools at our disposal as well. Namely, the live feed from his web site that lets you know where he is one-too-many hours per day. (Classy.)

A NERF Big Bad Bow.

And tape, lots and lots of tape. The tape shouldn’t have been necessary, but the instructions being what they were…

We did our best.

So while the Cowboy was doing his thing.

Our Indian was thinking ambush.

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